A Tribute to the Royal Wedding

Yesterday Nicole and her friends had a little party to celebrate the Royal Wedding between Prince William of Wales and Catherine Middleton. Home alone and with nothing to do, I decided to crack open a bottle wine and watch the wedding myself. It was a fantastic wedding, the girls looked great, and I give my best wishes to the now Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Rather than give a blow by blow recital of the Royal Wedding I thought I should write my own wedding short story, a love story about two people destined for each other, no matter what. Enjoy.

***

“If anyone can show just cause why this couple should not lawfully be married speak now or forever hold your peace”

Silence.

Jane started to fidget uneasily. She could feel it, something was wrong.

It’s the silence. There’s too much silence.

“Are you sure you’re ok Jane?” her fiancé whispered. “We can always call it off.”

“Dont be daft!” she hissed, a tone that had become very familiar during these past few months. “It’s the silence. Can’t you feel it.”

“They’re supposed to be silent sweetheart. Who would object to you marrying someone as handsome as myself?”

Silence.

Jane knelt to the ground, her hand reaching under her dress.

“It’s just a precaution.” she murmured quietly, feeling for the dagger secured at her thigh. “Just a precaution.”

A flurry of shadows caught the corner of her eye, drawing her attention to the front door. They moved fast but their shapes were unmistakeable.

Goblins.

Couldn’t she just have one day? A single day to celebrate life with the man she loves?

A piercing crack broke the silence and the front door exploded off its hinges, showering the guests with large splinters of wood. Panicked cries filled the room as four goblins stormed into the church, their hefty axes slashing at the fleeing crowd.

In an instant Jane was on her feet, striding down the aisle with the dagger in hand. Her eyes burned with a unique fire, an intense fury mixed with a lust for killing.

“You will not ruin my wedding day!” she shouted, venom coursing through her veins.

With an effortless motion Jane drew her arm across the air, her blade tearing through the throat of the nearest goblin with deadly precision. She smiled. It felt good to end the life of something so evil. The second goblin went down just as easy, its bright orange blood staining her bone white dress as it squirted from an arterial wound.

And how am I supposed to get that out? Can you even get blood out of a satin dress?

She was quickly brought back to reality as the next goblin launched a ferocious attack, the edge of its axe slicing through her veil. The dress was weighing her down, restricting her movements. This would not be easy.

She flinched as a flash of steel flew over her shoulder, the knife slamming into the left eye of her attacker. She smiled again.

I truly do love that man.

The church was almost empty now, the bodies of three goblins lying in a pool of blood at her feet.

Only three?

She quickly turned to see her fiancé grabbed from behind, the edge of an axe pressed against his throat.

“A little help, sweetheart?”

There was not enough of the goblin showing to make the shot, surely she could find something useful in this damned church.

The chandelier!

She measured the distance. It would be an easy throw, even with an unbalanced dagger. She drew her arm back, taking aim at the thin rope that held the chandelier.

The axe dropped and the goblin fell to the altar, the hilt of a knife protruding from between its shoulder blades.

“Nobody ruins one of my ceremonies. Not in my church.”

Jane watched in stunned silence as the reverend retrieved his knife, wiping the blade before depositing it inside his robe. She dropped her dagger and ran to her fiancé, pulling him into a tight embrace. A few curious guests entered the church, beckoning for the rest to come as they returned to their seats.

“The ceremony isn’t ruined Father, we were just having a small intermission.”

***

“You may kiss your bride.”

Cheers erupted from the crowd as the couple embraced, sharing their first kiss over the carcass of a dead goblin.

“I love you so much, my husband.” she whispered, still amazed that she could finally call this wonderful man her husband. “This day could not be any better.”

A flurry of shadows caught the corner of her eye, drawing her attention to the front door. A young man burst into the church, his voice stuttering as he tried to gather his breath.

“Goblins my lord… a whole fist of ’em… three miles south…”

“Well thats more like it,” her husband said with a big grin on his face. “What? I was a feeling a little hurt they only sent four goblins. But a whole fist? Well that’s a much better wedding present.”

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5 comments on “A Tribute to the Royal Wedding

  1. First off, for some reason i was under the impression that this was a story about you and your wife’s wedding day, lol. It wasn’t until I saw the word “goblins” that I realized it was a story. (which is good because I found it quite odd that your wife would interrupt her own ceremony, lol!!) Very well done!! I find it so difficult to write comedy and you’ve managed to do it flawlessly. My favorite line? “A little help, sweetheart?” Just great – awesome story!! 🙂

  2. Thanks for the feedback ladies. I was going for a bit of humour with the wise-cracking husband and the kick-ass priest.

    Let me know if you think I should continue writing about these two monster hunters in love.

  3. I would like to know about their story leading up to the wedding day. Like how they met. How they courted. Meeting the parents to get their permission. (eg if a parent was already dead and they had to go to the afterlife to get permission). And then there is planning the wedding itself. It’s a journey in itself planning a wedding without any mythical or cosmic creatures intervening or interrupting. Although

    SPOILER ALERT: they get married.

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